WHY have I only discovered you now?! Wow, I literally cried every episode. I didn’t know anything can move me like that. It was an amazing Korean drama. 

I would watch all 25 episodes over again, seriously. It was that good.

Maybe it is because their relationship was so difficult and at the end it seemed to all work out. Ugh, I want that excitement in my life.

I don’t think any other Korean drama I’m going to watch in the future will top this one but I’m still going to watch some. AH, too amazing.

Not to mention, all the guys were good looking ! And their style, phew. wow.

I wish I could meet someone like that.

Self respect.

Boys. Attention. Parties. 

was my only focus in high school. 

I never really liked who I was so, I changed.

I changed my style, my attitude, my whole look.

Attention started to seek in. People started to notice me.

I liked it.

Even if I was just looked like a ‘peice of meat’ to them. I didn’t care.

Peoples attention was my craving.

My shy little self started to act loud.

I was a bad bitch. And people started to hate how I was acting.

Especially the ones who cared.

I did what I was told that made myself feel sexy. And what made me feel sexy is when a guy calls me sexy. 

I wanted to be that thick chick people wanted.

I was never taken at seriously.

I realized that when I felt used, taken advantage of, and forgotten.

It hurt me and I accepted the pain they have given me.

I didn’t want to feel sexy anymore.

I wanted to feel beautiful and I wanted to be taken seriously.

I had no respect for myself.

I got the wrong attention.

I don’t want to feel like that again.

I didn’t have any

any self-respect.

He wanted me to kiss… his cheek. I’m blushing. I haven’t liked anyone for a while.. I don’t know if I genuinely like him or I just like what I see. 

He is so nice to me though. Well he’s nice to everyone. That’s what I like about him. He’s a really nice guy. I want to get to know him. I want to see him more often. But, it’s weird.

He’s my brother’s friend.

School starts in a week for Spring semester. Been going to sleep at 5 in the morning. I don’t know how I can go back to waking up at 8 again. I have 2 classes that are during that time. Ugh. My laziness took over me.

I’m starting to not eat fast food unless it is fries. lol I’m taking little steps to my diet. Bleh. I do not want to call it a diet; more like improving myself. Sounds better. 

Well, that’s all.

Oh, one more thing. If I don’t have a laptop or computer by me. I have a book that I write in. That’s why i haven’t been updating a lot.

First time the whole family wasn’t together on New Years.. This year, full of holidays is going to be interesting..

I hope my uncle is okay. My cousin is falling apart because he can’t stand seeing his dad in the hospital. It’s weird seeing them like this. Nothing is the same anymore. Plus, my cousin’s family is full of intelligence and accomplished the most out of all the cousins. They deserve the best but the world ends up giving them the worst. It sucks.

I had the worst dream.

It was really dark, but I believed a flashlight was stuck on me so that I know the way out. I had to walk through a long hallway what I probably only 2 ft wide. and one the sides were bars. Like, jail bars. The thing is while i was walking, more like in a fast pace was millions of dirty raggedy hands coming out of the bars and touching me. My body, my face. And I had no choice but to keeping walking forward because there was no place to go. It was like a never ending dark hall of people touching me. I knew it was a dream too and i tried waking myself up. So, finally I did. I woke up.

But I was so sleepy and so tired that I had to go back to sleep and the dream continued. A never ending hall. I couldn’t even see their faces. And I forgot what happened from there.

I think it was because I claimed I wasn’t scared to go on nyc’s “blackout” experience. But now, I think I am. I know it’s not real but it is truly a real mind fucking game.

Every time he comes back into my life I cannot think straight. I cannot do things the way I want without wondering what he thinks about it. I cannot do my work properly without thinking about him.

I cannot function. Why does he have this influence on me when I wasn’t even legitimately with him?

There might be hope for this family. Two days ago my cousin Victor actually came to my house. None of my cousins came to my house since the trip to California a couple months ago. And when my mom hugged him, she started to cry. She missed him. I knew my mom was upset that my cousin’s parents won’t let them come to my house. And finally, when my cousin actually came, my mom was so happy. I know how much it means to my mom that it happened. I love seeing her happy. Both my parents. 

There is hope.